Maintaining Friendships Post Marriage
bags packed//note I found in my suitcase//my cute nephew
I got back yesterday and boy, I am so happy to be home! I have tons of laundry to get done, and a to do list a mile long... but I'll get on that later ;) It was a pretty fun trip. I got to see my Step Dad's parents, and Shari (Steve's wife), which is always so great! I also got to see a couple friends, including my friend, we'll call him L. L and I go all the way back to seventh grade! When I moved back to Utah, he was one of the first friends I made at my new school. We've definitely had some ups and downs over the year, but we've always been really close. I moved back to Arizona my senior year, but almost every time I've been to Utah since then, I've hung out with him. And when The Husband makes the trip with me, we all hang out.
A couple months after we got married, I had to make a solo trip to Utah. So, of course, L came over. This time though, there was some family there too, let's just say we got some weird looks. You should probably know that my Step Dad's mom, will usually just say whatever comes to mind. And I love that about her. So when she came to say bye, she says "Does Tanner know he's here?". She said this jokingly of course, but in the way that she still wants the answer. Obviously, the Husband did know he was there. But I totally understand the curiosity and the looks. I mean, I am a married girl, with 95% of close friends, being guys. Which, really doesn't make things less complicated, because I think we live in a society where this is kind of frowned upon in a way. But I've never believed that being in a relationship or marriage means you have to give up on your friendships with the opposite sex.
I don't think there should be "rules" when maintaining friendships, but there are a few boundaries that I like to keep in mind. For instance, I never tried to hide these friendships from The Husband, even when we first started dating. I always told him the stories behind the friendships, and it was always an open discussion. Now, I'm not saying that the Husband doesn't have issues with this sometimes, but if you have nothing to hide, you shouldn't be hiding it. Even if the conversation is uncomfortable. Another line that should be drawn, don't run to those friends every time you fight with your significant other. This really should be said for girl and guy friends. I get that we all need to vent sometimes, but there are really just some things you need to keep inside your relationship, or it can create bigger issues.
I really believe that in any relationship, the most important thing is honest, open, communication. If either party is uncomfortable in any situation, you have to work together to find a solution both people can be happy with. Whether it be friendships, or even something as simple as where to go for dinner. There are two people in a relationship, it should never be all about one person.
The Husband and I have a great relationship, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. People and relationships grow, our needs are always changing, but I really do believe as long as you keep it honest with each other, you have a great shot at making it a forever. and a day. kind of marriage :)
Do you find it difficult to maintain friendships while in a relationship?
What are some boundaries that you have with those friendships?