7.12.2012

My Last Name Decision

When the Husband and I got married, I kept my last name. Before we even got engaged, I made it pretty clear I wasn't changing my last name. It took him some time to come around to it, but once my mind is made up about something, it usually doesn't change. 

I've read a few articles/blog posts about women who did the same thing.
Most were very long, and all about feminism. About how the tradition of taking a man's last name comes from men treating women like property, and men wanted people know they "owned" that woman.
I understand where those people are coming from, kind of. Maybe that's how it was back then, but I'd like to think that we've moved forward as a society since then. I don't think we should make other women feel like they're conforming to old forms of sexism when they take their husband's last name. I don't think a woman should feel bad for taking that last name.  There's nothing wrong with taking the love of your life's name. There's also nothing wrong with not doing that. To me "feminism" is about choices, it's about being able to choose what's best for you.  And I chose to keep my last name. For much simpler reasons.
I wanted my last name. When I decided to keep my last name, the last name was ending with me. Now, however, I do have an adorable nephew :) But like I said, once my mind is made up, it's made up. I'm not really a traditional person, I mean my wedding ring stone is amethyst, not a diamond. I like my last name, and it really is a part of who I am, so I kept it. With that said however, I do not get offended when someone addresses me as Mrs. Ross, not at all. Some of the posts I've read complain about it, it doesn't bother me.  Because really, I am Mrs. Ross, and Mr. Ross is my husband. Even if legally, my last name is still, my last name. Socially, I hyphenate my name, but I'm really easy going with whatever people call me. I like to pick my battles in life, and this isn't one that's worth it to me. I feel like to keep or not to keep the last name has turned into a big debate with some people, and I don't think it should be. I think every woman should do what she wants, and love their decision. To each their own right? 

5 comments:

  1. i took my husband's last name, i took it because it shows we are a couple together for life and i am still me whether i took me husband's name or kept my former last name, i think taking my husband's last name just soldifies our marriage and status as a couple

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  2. You have to do what makes you comfortable. It is your life after all, and as long as hubby doesn't mind, then it doesn't matter what other people think. A name is just a name. It doesn't define you as a person or as a couple. Either you love each other and your committed, or your not. A name will not make a difference. You are a strong girl and don't let people or beliefs change who you are. I am proud of you! XO

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  3. Great post. This is always something I was conflicted by too. However, my "hubby" and I have made it easy by deciding not to get married at all. We still are husband and wife in our own eyes. But for the name, I always went back and forth... I'd be proud to have his family name but then sad to drop my own family's name... Lots to think about w/ that decision, I'm sure.

    Lesley
    http://byporchlight.blogspot.com

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  4. I feel bad leaving my maiden name but at least I like my future name

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  5. Thank you for this post! I also kept my last name when I got married and I am happy to see other women post about it as well! (I did too: http://www.theflorkens.com/2013/10/why-i-didnt-take-adams-last-name.html)

    While I too believe that all women should be able to make whichever decision is best for them, I often get offended when people say that taking the last name "soldifies our marriage" or "shows the world we're a couple." Really? Is my marriage any less "solidified" because we have different last names? Are we any less committed to one another? Do we love each other any less? Does a legal distinction on paper somehow mean that Adam and I don't hope and dream and plan for other lives together... forever?

    Thank you so much for this post. I really feel that more women need to be unconditionally supportive of decisions to take names or to not take them -- and to quit "name shaming" either way. Women who take them aren't antifeminist and women, like us, who chose not too aren't any less of a family because of it...

    -Kate
    www.theflorkens.com

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